I woke up this morning baffled with my dream. As far as I can remember, in my dream I was in an owner-type jeep with two guys. I don’t even know who they are. We are off to some place I don’t know but I saw the ocean at some distance. I miss the ocean! So I got really excited! The more I looked at it, the more it became magnified in my sight. I can see the clear, blue waters. I imagined myself immersing in the waters and feeling its coldness on my skin. So soothing! Very therapeutic! I thought to myself, I must have it: swim and relax under the sun, surrounded with an endless blue.
So I told the guys I’ll get off the jeep and run to the beach. They told me it’s still far away, but I wouldn’t listen. For me it’s within reach. It’s within sight actually. It was as if it’s only a few stone throws away. I got off the jeep and ran towards the beach only to find out that what they said is true. The moment I got off and ran a few meters, the beach was nowhere in sight. I only saw an endless road. I looked back and saw the guys, still in the jeep and laughing at me. I went back, felt humiliated, and climbed the jeep again.
Later on in the dream, we were nearing the beach and as soon as I caught sight of the water, my heart jumped. The desire burned in my heart again. This time, no one can stop me! As the jeep went to a halt at the parking lot, I jumped and ran towards the beach. At first, I played with the sand, relishing the feel of fine, white sand under my feet. Then gradually I moved toward the seashore playing with the water. As I started to get into the water, I held back and thought how dark and gloomy it looks. Not the clear, blue water I envisioned earlier. I got scared so I retreated and settled on the sandy beach.
I battled with such fearful thoughts in my mind but I can’t seem to ignore the fear inside. I thought of drowning, of sea creatures pulling me down, of not feeling the sand under my feet while in the water, of how deep the water can be. I’m not a good swimmer, but I can swim. At that time, I doubted that skill.
But then again, I thought of swimming in the ocean. Of the warmth/coldness of the water, of the freedom it gives me, of conquering the waves or sometimes letting my body get carried by it, of snorkeling and seeing beautiful fishes and other wonderful animals God created to inhabit the ocean, of marveling at the fact that I can float, and other wonderful feelings I associate with the ocean.
In the end, the fearful thoughts seemed to consume me more than the positive ones. I felt so defeated. And I woke up.
My initial reaction was, “Lord! Beach during the rainy season?!” Though we did that one time. We went at Punta Baluarte in the middle of a typhoon. Company outing. There was no other time so we went despite typhoon Gloria or Hambalos (can’t remember). I was the only one who enjoyed swimming in the ocean. If not for my boss reprimanding me, I wouldn’t have stopped. It was drizzling and the waves are kind of crazy. She got scared. I enjoyed it!
Then I thought hard about my dream. I wanted to know what it means. I’m so into dreams. But I don’t interpret it weirdly. My inspirations are Joseph and Daniel. Besides, God first talked to me in my dream. He showed me visions of heaven and hell and what I could accomplish in and through Him back in high school. No one shared the Gospel with me yet. And when I shared those dreams with my Christian friends, they invited me to a prayer meeting and I met the Lord there. So dreams and I are inseparable. And I believe God calls my attention in my dreams.
Back to that ocean-dream. It couldn’t be just a dream about my desire to go to the beach. It must mean something more. Why would God remind me of it? Why, then, am I so haunted by it?
As I ponder upon that dream, I realized that it’s how I am when God gives me something to have or do. Even if it’s yet to come, I see it from a distance. I can see it vividly! In fact, my senses are going crazy! It seems so within my reach. But in reality, it’s still miles away. And when I come to that realization, I go back where I’ve been, wallowing. I’d fail the marshmallow test a hundred times. I couldn’t wait for that thing, whatever that is. I must have it now! Otherwise…
But God is good all the time. He gives me the grace I need to press on and keep on waiting until He gives it to me. And when he finally does, I dilly-dally. Yes, I’d be excited but that excitement dies down easily. I’d be like the Israelites who circled the Promised Land instead of conquering and claiming it at the onset. I oftentimes let my fears hold me back. I let it cripple me. I know what the promise means and looks like, yet I allow my fears to engulf me. Thus I miss it altogether.
I know deep inside that I have the power to overcome. I have the “skill,” more like the armor of God, to overcome, yet I don’t. Sigh.
I told a dear friend, I’m so excited this year. It’s as if God is giving me something (wink! wink!), as if He’s doing something in and for me. I still don’t know what that is but the thought of a gift from God excites me endlessly! However, I got this warning from God, which I can’t ignore completely.
The battle is truly in the mind. God! Be Lord in mine!
So I told the guys I’ll get off the jeep and run to the beach. They told me it’s still far away, but I wouldn’t listen. For me it’s within reach. It’s within sight actually. It was as if it’s only a few stone throws away. I got off the jeep and ran towards the beach only to find out that what they said is true. The moment I got off and ran a few meters, the beach was nowhere in sight. I only saw an endless road. I looked back and saw the guys, still in the jeep and laughing at me. I went back, felt humiliated, and climbed the jeep again.
Later on in the dream, we were nearing the beach and as soon as I caught sight of the water, my heart jumped. The desire burned in my heart again. This time, no one can stop me! As the jeep went to a halt at the parking lot, I jumped and ran towards the beach. At first, I played with the sand, relishing the feel of fine, white sand under my feet. Then gradually I moved toward the seashore playing with the water. As I started to get into the water, I held back and thought how dark and gloomy it looks. Not the clear, blue water I envisioned earlier. I got scared so I retreated and settled on the sandy beach.
I battled with such fearful thoughts in my mind but I can’t seem to ignore the fear inside. I thought of drowning, of sea creatures pulling me down, of not feeling the sand under my feet while in the water, of how deep the water can be. I’m not a good swimmer, but I can swim. At that time, I doubted that skill.
But then again, I thought of swimming in the ocean. Of the warmth/coldness of the water, of the freedom it gives me, of conquering the waves or sometimes letting my body get carried by it, of snorkeling and seeing beautiful fishes and other wonderful animals God created to inhabit the ocean, of marveling at the fact that I can float, and other wonderful feelings I associate with the ocean.
In the end, the fearful thoughts seemed to consume me more than the positive ones. I felt so defeated. And I woke up.
My initial reaction was, “Lord! Beach during the rainy season?!” Though we did that one time. We went at Punta Baluarte in the middle of a typhoon. Company outing. There was no other time so we went despite typhoon Gloria or Hambalos (can’t remember). I was the only one who enjoyed swimming in the ocean. If not for my boss reprimanding me, I wouldn’t have stopped. It was drizzling and the waves are kind of crazy. She got scared. I enjoyed it!
Then I thought hard about my dream. I wanted to know what it means. I’m so into dreams. But I don’t interpret it weirdly. My inspirations are Joseph and Daniel. Besides, God first talked to me in my dream. He showed me visions of heaven and hell and what I could accomplish in and through Him back in high school. No one shared the Gospel with me yet. And when I shared those dreams with my Christian friends, they invited me to a prayer meeting and I met the Lord there. So dreams and I are inseparable. And I believe God calls my attention in my dreams.
Back to that ocean-dream. It couldn’t be just a dream about my desire to go to the beach. It must mean something more. Why would God remind me of it? Why, then, am I so haunted by it?
As I ponder upon that dream, I realized that it’s how I am when God gives me something to have or do. Even if it’s yet to come, I see it from a distance. I can see it vividly! In fact, my senses are going crazy! It seems so within my reach. But in reality, it’s still miles away. And when I come to that realization, I go back where I’ve been, wallowing. I’d fail the marshmallow test a hundred times. I couldn’t wait for that thing, whatever that is. I must have it now! Otherwise…
But God is good all the time. He gives me the grace I need to press on and keep on waiting until He gives it to me. And when he finally does, I dilly-dally. Yes, I’d be excited but that excitement dies down easily. I’d be like the Israelites who circled the Promised Land instead of conquering and claiming it at the onset. I oftentimes let my fears hold me back. I let it cripple me. I know what the promise means and looks like, yet I allow my fears to engulf me. Thus I miss it altogether.
I know deep inside that I have the power to overcome. I have the “skill,” more like the armor of God, to overcome, yet I don’t. Sigh.
I told a dear friend, I’m so excited this year. It’s as if God is giving me something (wink! wink!), as if He’s doing something in and for me. I still don’t know what that is but the thought of a gift from God excites me endlessly! However, I got this warning from God, which I can’t ignore completely.
The battle is truly in the mind. God! Be Lord in mine!
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