Boys 2 Men

Let me introduce you to two of my joys in life. Emari, 1year and 5months, and Sean, almost 6 months.

I marvel at how much these babies changed my brothers from boys to men. It's true that once you're a father, everything changes in and around you. Your priorities in life are now directed to what your little bundle of joy needs and wants and not your own. You'll learn the word 'sacrifice' and its application at greater depths. You begin to dream, not only of your future, but of your child's as well. For the first time, it's about another person and not about you.

I never really figured that children will make a man out of my brothers. They seemed to be happy-go-lucky kind of guys with no care about the future. They lived for the day and what momentary pleasure it brings them. They lived only for themselves. But I saw these angels change that.

Kuya Raycel, for example, is a very hands-on dad. He takes care of Em-em really well. He's a very patient guy but it was stretched even further with the birth of his baby. I don't know how much he went through taking care of Em-em but I know for a fact that Em-em loves him very much. She wails when he leaves her, looks for him constantly and only sleeps when her dad is beside her.

What amuses me most is how my Kuya calls her: Bebeco (baby ko). And if Em-em is playing outside, her dad will just imitate how Daffy Duck talks and she knows she needs to go home already: her dad is calling her.

Albert, on the other hand, is a typical dad. Very sweet and loving but not very hands on like Kuya. He leaves the dirty stuff to the women. But Kuya would gladly change diapers if need be. But I know and see that Abet's a changed man himself because of Biboy (Sean).

This got me to thinking about my father. Papa is not very showy of his emotions. Mama told me once that he told her that even if he doesn't show it, he loves us very much. I know that even if he doesn't say it often.

Papa shows his affection by providing for our needs. That for him, is how to show love. He's not into hugging and kissing, though he sometimes does that. Sometimes, he's a bit aloof, lost in his thoughts.

But he is a brilliant man who values education so much. I remember that as a child, we used to have this game. We’d stand at the end of the room and papa would ask us questions and if the answer is right, then me move one step forward until we reach him. The reward was usually ice cream or a weekend spent at Luneta. And another game in which we used to recite the multiplication table in front of him. He gets irritated when we don’t know it. For him it’s important. But I cheated those times I stood in front of him reciting and until now, I can’t recite it without using the aid of my fingers.

He doesn’t believe in punishment not unless you really deserve it. My one memory of my father punishing any of us really hard was that one instant when Kuya went home late and didn’t ask permission. It worried everyone at home so we all went out to look for him. When he was found, dos-por-dos ang katapat. And I know he did it half-heartedly.

I could go on and on about him but time and space won’t be enough to express my gratitude to this man. The hard times changed him a bit. He’s older, a bit wiser, worry too much, but he’s still the same father, who cares and loves us deeply.

Papi! I know I don’t tell you this often, but I want you to know I love you very much! Thank you for everything! You are such a blessing from God. Happy Father's Day!

And to all fathers out there, HAPPY FATHER's DAY!

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

I’ve adored Brad Pitt since..I don’t actually remember. But I’m a fan. Other than Meet Joe Black (I slept in the middle of the movie. I can’t believe it myself! But they say it’s a great movie, I just can’t figure out why), I enjoy watching him on the big screen.

But this recent movie is a bit disappointing. Don’t get me wrong. I mean, the couple is a good-looking one. They both play their part excellently. I think they are really the best choice for the movie and no one could have played the part plausibly as they did. Nice effects, nice dialogues, nice everything. But when I sat back and looked at the bigger picture, it wasn’t nice at all.

Ang labo ko ‘no? But I sure felt that way. The characters were given little time to develop and grow. I think more time was spent on their ‘fighting’ rather than on character development. This is after all an action film. I couldn’t even comprehend how they finally got to a truce. One instant they were trying to kill each other, destroying their house, and the next they’re in each other’s arms.

Maybe it’s love. But even that is questionable. I mean, how can a confessed cold-blooded assassin profess to love someone that deeply yet have the desire to kill because of money? Mr. Smith even asked Mrs. if she can sleep after killing and without batting an eyelash, Mrs. answered yes. Wow! Quite confusing really. How can you sleep peacefully knowing that’s how cold-blooded your spouse is?

If the thrust of the movie is how one couple saved their marriage despite the reality that they almost killed each other, I don’t buy that. How can you trust the other person after that? And I believe trust and honesty are foundations of a strong marriage.

Maybe, they did realize some things. And those things are left to the imagination of the viewers. You can interpret it however you want. Resolving an argument by taking out a pistol and aiming at your spouse? Who will surrender first? Sex? Same passion (killing another person!)? Money?

This has all the trappings of a ‘good movie,’ great actors, effects, etc. But in the end, it was one bad movie after all.

Smile!

1 Thessalonians 5:16 - Be joyful always.

This verse gripped my heart as Ate Sandra shared this at our leadership meeting. She's a missionary to one of God's Creative Access Nations (I love that term!), with her husband and kids, and has been serving that nation for...10 years? Hehe! Not really, but sometimes it feels that long especially when you’re far away from home.

Anyway, we talked about how we can be a blessing to others. And this was one of the three keys she shared with us - Be joyful always.

'Joy is the secret to real evangelism, for joyful Christians are compelling advertisement for the gospel.'

This is not only joy on the inside but on the outside as well. Something that can be seen and not only felt. The best expression is smiling. And Ate Sandra went at great lengths explaining its importance.

People are naturally drawn to happy individuals. Of course! Why would you want to be with unhappy ones? Unless you are that miserable! And even so, you would still want to be with the cheerful ones to brighten your mood. There’s something about a happy face you can’t quite dispel.

Part of the appeal of the gospel is our attitude towards it. We have the truth, the good news, and we ought to communicate it that way – GOOD NEWS. More than the words we speak, the way we live our life is our best strategy to share what God has done in and through our life and what God can possibly do in and through the life of another. The people we reach out to must know, see and feel that change. Otherwise, they will think twice about putting their faith in God. They must be fully convinced before they take that leap of faith. And what would convince them is the evidence of a changed life.

According to Ate Sandra, the missionaries who come to their nation are required to SMILE. The locals are beset with so much misery they don’t need foreigners adding up to it, missionaries at that. The people who are supposed to give them hope, etc. You’ll never know what that simple gesture might accomplish in another person’s life. You just have to step out in faith, let God do the work, and SMILE!

I’ve known this truth for a long time but something in the way she said these caught my attention and made me evaluate my life that very instant. And one thought entered my mind: MATARAY!

I’ve confessed that of myself many times. I even wrote it at my friendster profile. I don’t deny it and sometimes I really am. But most of the time, hindi naman. I asked one friend why he thought I’m mataray and he told me it’s because of the way I stare. Nakakatakot daw. I don’t know. I’m just like that. I know I’m observant and I do study details and not just look. So maybe, when I stare, people get uncomfortable because I probe deeper than what the eye sees.

I’ve known people who tell me they’d think twice about approaching me. Why?! Nakakatakot nga daw ako. Sigh. But when they get to know me, that first impression doesn’t last very long.

But I don’t want it to be like that. I want that when people look at me the very first time, they’d feel comfortable approaching me, they will be attracted to Jesus because of what they see in me and they’d say “I want to be like her and be used for the glory of God too!” I’m sure glad people’s perception of me changes when they get to know me but oftentimes I am not given that opportunity – to get to know another person deeply. And so I’m left to wonder what kind of impression I made without the comfort of having to turn that impression the other way around. Sigh.

The other part of what Ate Sandra shared dealt with passion. She shared that what the world needs are people who come alive. Have you asked yourself what is that one thing that makes you come alive? What are you passionate about?

Answers to these questions vary. But it’s comforting to know that God created variety. It makes the world more colorful and interesting though it’s always a delight to find people who share your passion.

If you’ve found that very thing that makes you come alive, whatever that is, pursue it with all your might. That is what God has called you to do, what He has destined for you. Whatever that is and wherever you may be, pursuing it will definitely fill you with joy and make you come alive!

Some people I’m privileged to know certainly burst with life. Not only because they are extroverts, but because there really is LIFE in them. A life given by and lived for God. They are always cheerful, joyful, happy – however you may want to describe a positive mood, because they have every reason to be. Whatever their circumstance may be, that smile is forever painted on their lips. When I think about this kind of people, I can think of one man, the ultimate smiler-man:

And those of you who know him need not ask why. It’s the face that can launch a thousand laughs. Hehe!

Finally, let’s not use our personality (intro- or extrovert) to not be a blessing to others. What does a smile cost you? Nothing. But it could give you more than you can ever imagine.

Palakasan lang ng loob yan.

That's what I realized today. Talaga naman! Kapag nagigipit ang tao, 'di mo talaga alam kung ano ang makakaya niyang gawin.

Lunchbreak. Nasa pantry ako. Kumakain. Bukas ang door ng office, siyempre kasi baka me pasaherong dumating. Meron namang isang taong nasa workstation so kampante akong kumain. Pagbalik ko sa table ko, nag-check pa muna ako ng email. Samantalahin ang break, di ba? Paglingon ko sa gilid ng table ko, voila! Wala na ang aking bag!

Akala ko nuong una, joke lang ng mga officemates ko. So hanap ako. Pero wala talaga. So sinabi ko na sa kanila na nawawala ang bag ko. Sabi naman ng isa kong kasama e me nakita siyang mamang lumabas ng office ng dahan-dahan (nasa may corridor kasi siya). Malay ba naman niyang magnanakaw na nga yun! Kasi nga ang alam niya me tao sa office. At ganun talaga sa office, in/out mga tao kasi kuha ng brochures, may delivery, etc.

So ganun lang. Nasalisihan. Tangay ang aking bag. Buong bag (Alangan namang pieces lang! Ang weird nun!). Nuong una, wala lang sa akin. Okay, sige, nanakaw ang bag ko. Wala lang. Andun yung cellphone ko, wallet, kikay kit, etc. Kaya lang naalala ko 'andun din yung office keys ko. Baka bumalik sa gabi tapos buksan ang office at...Paranoid na ako!

So baba ako ng building. Lakad papuntang Petron. Tinatawagan ang cell ko gamit 'yung company phone. Baka naman me natira pang kahit konting kabaitan sa mama, at ibalik yung bag ko (wish ko lang!). Nakontak ko nga pero nabenta na daw sa kanya 'yung sim ko sa may Virramall parking lot (ows! talaga?!). Sabi ko bibilhin ko kahit magkano, ibalik niya lang ang sim ko. Importante sa akin yun. Di na daw niya ako marinig, tawag na lang uli. Takbo ako sa may sakayan ng Greenhills, andun yung isa kong officemate. Sabi ko punta siya ng Greenhills, hanapin yung mama. Hay! Katangahan! As if naman, makikita 'yung ayaw magpakita.

Parang gusto kong magalit. Kasi naman di ba, pinaghirapan ko 'yun (money and phone) tapos mananakaw lang! Tapos sa loob pa ng office! Na may tao sa office! Talaga naman! Pero buti na lang Kristiyano na ako...

God bless you manong, saan ka man naruon. Sana nakatulong sa'yo ang pera at cellphone ko. Huwag ka lang bumalik sa office ha!

Bakit ko nga ba sinulat ito? Wala lang, nagpapaawa. Sa mga maaawa, bilhan niyo ako ng Color Trend na Baby Lips (lipstick). Kabibili ko lang kasi. At naiiyak ako kapag naaalala ko yung lipstick ko. Pati Burt's Bees na lip balm. Kainis! Ang mahal pa naman nun! (Manong, 'wag mong sabihing nagli-lipstick ka rin!) Masyado naman kung hihingi ako ng cell di ba? Ke God ko na lang hihingin 'yun. Advanced birthday gift, Christmas gift? Bahala na kayo. Basta isa na yun sa wishlist ko.

Ngayon, maaga kaming uuwi. Sa office, 4 lang kaming merong susi. Yung 2 naka-leave. Yung 1 naman hanggang 5 lang siya, kasi 8 pasok niya. Tapos ako, nandun natangay ni Manong. Kaya maaga kaming uuwi. Isa pa, I need time to nurse my broken pocket. Buti na lang pumayag si Loida! Thank you talaga!

In conclusion: mag-ingat kayong lahat! Sa tindi ng pangangailangan ng mga tao ngayon, magugulat talaga kayo sa kayang gawin ng tao, maibsan lang ang hirap. O siya, drama special na ito!

What now, Lord?

Let your guard down for but a moment and your world will fall apart right before your very eyes. This I learned from a friend very recently. Despite the precautions undertaken, she let it slip this one time. One time! And forever will she regret it.

I almost banged her head on the wall, screamed at her and gave her a piece of my mind. But there's no use rubbing salt in her wound. Instead, I listened. Besides, I just preached 'listen before you speak.' That was a very timely application.

As she poured her heart, mine grieved. What now, Lord? I looked at the shattered, pain-stricken girl before me and I cried. I know there is still hope but she can't see it. Not this time. Her situation seems to have consumed the hope that is in her.

If only there is such a thing as "ERASE" or "DELETE" option in our life, then we would be spared from so much pain. If only we have some fairy dust, all we need is one happy thought, and off we'll go to Neverland, away from all the pain. If only we can escape reality. If only...

'Anong gagawin ko?!' Hers was a desperate cry. Honestly, I didn't know what to do either. So I told her to ask one person I know can help her. JESUS.

She told me she didn't want to. Shame, guilt? It's but natural for man to flee God because of these. God's reaction? Look for us even more and call us out from our hiding. We expect spanking, even beating, yet He offers the opposite. When we so deserve these, a gentle hand reaches out and extends His love to us all. Moreso, Jesus took our place and our punishment so we can be forgiven.

I haven't fully grasped the depth of God's love for me. But that much I know: God loves me! And that is what I hope she will realize. God's love for us all is unconditional. Though we sin and choose to go away, His love remains. 'But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.'

Until that time comes when she accepts what God is offering her, I leave her into the hands of God, where she will be most safe and secure, and let God do the work in her. And for the rest who have not fallen...FLEE SIN!

A story to tell

I cleaned my room last Saturday. It was long overdue that's why it took me the whole afternoon and early evening to finish it. Though the room wasn't that dirty, going through my stuff took a lot of my time. I went through old photos, letters, books, notebooks, etc. It was fun!

Then I chanced upon my old notebook. A precious one, as I wrote my short stories there. I read them one by one, kaya lalo akong ginabi, hehe!

I used to write short stories back in high school. One story I wrote got published in the school paper. It took one long page - that long, yet it was published! It was about rape, injustice, etc., very hot issue back then. And all my teachers praised my work. So it got me to write more often. Not in so much as to get published but to pen all the stories stored in my mind.

I used to think my life was boring. I was a good girl, not into drugs or alcohol, had the perfect bunch of friends, did well in school, etc. No excitement at all. So I would escape into my finely woven fantasy land.

I've created a lot of characters in my mind, each playing different roles, each has a story to tell. I've thought of them all. Good, bad, protagonist, antagonist, young, old, rich, poor, etc. I've seen the world through their eyes, felt what they feel, saw what they see, heard what they hear, etc. They became real to me. I figured I might forget them one day so I painstakingly wrote their stories in that notebook.

In college I stopped writing, primarily because I was swamped with school work. I didn't want to lose my scholarship so I focused on my studies. Yet in my quiet moments, they keep me company. Sometimes, I would allow myself to be drifted back into that fantasy land I've created so long ago to escape my reality. But I know it won't last forever.

Gradually, that fantasy land vanished. Maybe because I've outgrown such childish dreams/thoughts. Or perhaps, I became more interested in real people and their stories. Or, I've finally learned to deal with reality. Whatever the reason was, that land was just a distant memory. Until last Saturday.

The resurrection of the notebook inspired me to write again. This time around, I know it isn't about escaping to another person's life anymore but a yearning to tell a story. Perhaps my story.

I bid my brother goodbye, kissed him and left the airport. It's still early but I didn't want to go home, though I'm sleepy and tired. Baka mamayang gabi na ako magising! I asked my cousin to drop me off at Katipunan.

I've found great use of my time: a date with GOD! I headed for the Sunken Garden at UPD. On my way there, I saw a lot of people jogging/running. I don't know what the event was but there are lots of people on the street, young and old, all drenched with sweat. It was too noisy at the Sunken Garden so I headed for the Lagoon.

After walking around for quite a time, I found the perfect place just a few meters from the Lagoon. I laid my newspaper, removed my sandals, sat on the ground and breathed deeply. My spot was perfectly shaded by tall trees. Birds chirped loudly as if welcoming me to their haven. As I looked up, I could see cloudless skies. A glimpse of heaven! I closed my eyes and savored every moment. I surely miss such times as this!

When I opened my eyes, the warmth of the sun greeted my face. Oh no! Ayoko ng mainit! I scrambled for my things when suddenly a gentle breeze comforted me. Oh, okay, I'm staying. (",)

And so I settled, took my Bible and started reading Ecclesiastes, my reading for the day.
'There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven' ...'So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?'

Is this you speaking, Lord? Does this mean...strike one?

'He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.'

Hmmmm....strike two.

'Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife (or husband to be as I'm not yet married), whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun - all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.’

Okay, strike three. I got it.

I closed my Bible and reflected on God’s Word. My mind knows what to do but my heart is not willing to obey. Stubborn me! I opened my Bible again. Perhaps I’m hearing wrongly.

‘Banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body.’

I blinked. This couldn’t be you Lord, could it? I read on…

‘Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.’

That’s it! No more arguing, no more buts, no more what ifs. Yield Riz!!! My mind yelled but my heart is still unwilling to yield. Why do I find it hard to let go? Why not, God?

I laid on my back and gazed at the serenity around me. It brought peace to my heart, if only momentarily. A bird caught my attention and I heard God whisper: ‘see that bird? I take care of it. How much more would I take care of you? Leave it up to me, my child.’ I almost cried.

The alarm on my phone went off. I have to leave God. Thank you for this time. I packed my stuff, put on my sandals and headed to FC for the morning service. On my way, I passed by a canal (whatever that is!) and the water caught my attention. Aba! Humihirit!

I remembered what Sky shared before. In a river, you never step on the same water because it constantly flows. Something like that. I forgot where he related that to.

I noticed the water followed a certain path towards the lagoon. If there is a big rock, it turned. If there is a pile of garbage, it turned. But I also noticed that it flowed through the hindrance (rock or dried leaves). And when it did so, that hindrance, in this case the rock, becomes smoother. Changed by the water? Maybe. So God, what does this have to do with me?

‘I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free. Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.’

Sigh. I surrender.

Will I have the courage to step out in faith? It has been bothering me for days, nay for weeks!, yet I delay seeking God about it. Sigh. My mind wants to obey but my heart wrestles with it. I’m not at peace. I wage war against myself!

I know where it’s leading, yet I tremble in fear. Perhaps it’s me wanting to resurrect myself or it’s really that – fear. Fear of the unknown? Fear of what God has to say about it? Sigh.

Hard-headed me…The answer to my questions is already there, staring at me, yet I refuse to look. I may not like what I would see. Or I’m not prepared for what it would require of me.

So, what now? Delayed obedience is still disobedience. Sigh.

I watched my now favorite movie The Kingdom of Heaven last Wednesday. Nagkayayaan after the cell at Gateway Mall. Kaya kahit na inuubo, sige!

*** The oath: 'Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth, always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong.' This is my mantra. JOKE!! But I like this a lot. Perhaps I'll make it mine. hmmmm....

Be without fear in the face of your enemies - like David when he faced Goliath. 'It is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands.' Such boldness! And God did not fail him. So can I stand fearlessly before my enemies for I know my Lord is with me and the battle is His.

Be brave and upright that God may love thee - I have a little problem with this because I know that God loves me unconditionally. Even if I still do wrong, He loves me. Just as it is. Period.

Speak the truth, always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong - Absolutely! Need I say more?

***'If the Lord has a purpose for you there, he will keep you safe. If not, then God bless you.' - what a way to send off somebody! But I believe in it myself. That if God still has a purpose, nothing will keep you from fulfilling it. So why worry? And yet, I say - God bless you!!!

***'What will you do everyday to be a good man? What God desires is in your mind and heart.' - Amen. What I do outwardly is nothing compared to what I do inwardly. What is hidden will be made known. God knows what's in our heart and mind anyway so why bother keeping/hiding it from Him. Come out, come out, wherever you are! And face it!

***'A NEW world. A better world that has never been seen. There, you are not what you are born but what you have it in yourself to be. A kingdom of conscience. Peace instead of war. Love instead of hate. That is what lies at the end of the crusade.' - Don't we all long for this? But I think we'll only have it when Jesus comes, hehehe!!!

***'I go to pray for the strength to endure what is to come.' - Yes, we all should pray this prayer. More is to come and what would make us stand firm is our faith in God.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

***'Convert to Islam! Repent later.' - I laughed at this really hard! But I hope this is not true of us Christians. That whenever we are faced with persecution, we will stand firm and not give in to enemies.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

That's all for now for Kingdom of Heaven. If you haven't seen the movie, wanna watch it with me? hihihi! And I leave you with:

'Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth, always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong.'

Save the Last Dance for Me

You can dance-every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye, let him hold you tight
You can smile-every smile for the man
Who held your hand 'neath the pale moon light

But don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me

Oh I know that the music's fine
Like sparklin' wine, go and have your fun
Laugh and sing, but while we're apart
Don't give your heart to anyone

And don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me

Baby don't you know I love you so
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never never let you go
I love you oh so much

You can dance, go and carry on
Till the night is gone, and it's time to go
If he asks if you're all alone
Can he walk you home, you must tell him no

'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
Save the last dance for me

Oh I know that the music's fine
Like sparklin' wine, go and have your fun
Laugh and sing, but while we're apart
Don't give your heart to anyone

And don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me

So don't forget who's taking you home
Or in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling, save the last dance for me

Oh baby won't you save the last dance for me
You made a promise that you'd save the last dance for me.
Save the last dance, the very last dance for me

*This is my new favorite song by Michael Buble. My most favorite part is "but while we're apart, don't give your heart to anyone." Awww.

Do click on the link and listen to the song. Very danceable too (with a partner)!

Special note to Jenny C, nothing beats 'The Way You Look Tonight.'

Barbier

Just got home from a night out with Edel and really had a great time with her!

We watched 'Wedding Date' and though it wasn't as great as any other movies about love and weddings, it did set the mood for our conversation the whole night through. The highlight for us came at the end of the movie, as the credits are rolled out.

Right there on the screen...______Barbier. The first name escapes me at the moment but we thought it was funny! Imagine naming your child Barbie Barbier. Hehehe! And what if she married a 'Barbiest'? Mrs. Barbie Barbier Barbiest. Hilarious!!! And what would she name her son?!

Anyway, Eds had to bring a camera at The Fort so we drove there. On the way, she asked me if I am particular with how my future husband would look. For me, it didn't matter as long as the man has character - self-confidence, integrity, etc. He doesn't need to be a head-turner but at least he has to look okay. Then we remembered Barbier. And thus, we coined the term 'barbier' to refer to that kind of man - looks good but not drop-dead gorgeous. Drop-dead gorgeous is 'barbiest'. So-so is 'barbie'.

Until now, I'm laughing my head off. Imagine, using 'barbier' to refer to a man! And if that person doesn't understand the newly coined term, he would think the man we refer to is gay. Hehehe!

Jennifer Garner

I first saw her in ABC's tv series "Alias" and instantly liked her. Probably because I liked the series. I religiously watched seasons 1-3. And now it's on season 4. Unfortunately, we don't have cable anymore so I don't get to see her in action. But I log on to alias-tv.com once in awhile to see what's happening with the series.

I next saw her in 13 going on 30 and absolutely adored her there! The picture above is from the movie, which truly touched me, though I watched it alone, because my date didn't show up. Still it was fun watching her. I wonder, will I be like that when I reach 30? Hmmm....

Then I saw her in Elektra. Nothing spectacular. It only felt like I'm watching "Sydney Bristow" on the big screen. Though she really fits the role.

I still like her as "Sydney" because I relate to her role there very well. Not because I am a spy but, as she does, I take on a different role from time to time, as the need arises. I'm a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend, guidance counselor - as my dear cousin would put it, teacher, servant, travel agent, etc., to anyone who needs me as any of these.

Also, like her, I do have secrets I guard with my life. Sometimes I wear masks to hide the real me. Don't we all? But I've learned to slowly shed off the mask and let others take a peek at the real me. And the secrets are also slowly taken out of the darkness into the light.

Oftentimes, it's my fear of how people would react to what they know about me that keeps me from coming out my shell. I imagine it would hurt because people may not understand why I am so and reject me. Inspite of this, I'm learning to be transparent with what I feel, what I think, etc. to the people around me. I've finally come to terms with rejection and learned to run to the One who accepts me no matter what.

And finally, I like Jennifer Garner's toned body. I have set it as a goal for myself. Now, if only I can get myself to start exercising...

The New Look

I was getting tired of the way my blog looks, thus the change of skin. It didn’t come easy, as I had to learn html language to create this beautiful design. Although I got this from blogskins.com, I edited most of its appearance and contents. And voila! I hope visiting my blog will be more fun for all of you.

Aside from being purple, it’s so me! Though I have yet to own a Manolo Blahnik, I’m a sucker for high-heeled shoes. I don’t mean to brag, but I don’t need the additional height it gives. Yet, I love wearing these! Not so I can lord over other people, but basically I become womanlier. Hihi! (And even my laughter changes to giggle!)

Seriously! It changes my otherwise poor posture. I am forced to straighten my back, walk catlike, sway my hips, etc. you get the picture. But I don’t do it to be seductive or something like that. I just like the overall effect it gives my body.

I googled high-heeled shoes and found out that its history dates back to at least 1000 B.C. The original intent, at least according to that article, was to stress social stature as wearer of these shoes seems taller than the rest of the people. That, as I’ve said, I don’t need.

Then it became a tool to prevent women from going out, because it was painful to walk on your toes all the time. It was torture but the women were made to believe that they become more beautiful and desirable if they wear these. Not that I’m insecure. Rather, I believe I am beautiful and desirable. Not only because my parents said so, but also because God said so! My identity is secure with God.

Then it became associated with sex, as men prefer prostitutes who wear heels. Probably because women appear more graceful as they walk. It’s an art you know – learning how to walk on these shoes. That I don’t want since it’s not my intent in the first place - to be branded "sexy" just because I wear heels.

And now, it’s everywhere! I think even men wear high-heeled shoes. Hehehe!

However, it seems that my penchant for high-heeled shoes will soon die. After a series of foot injuries, my doctor specifically prohibited wearing of heels for long periods of time. In fact, I already have osteoarthritis at age 25. Imagine that!

And so, for the time being as I’m yet unwilling to let it go, I will keep my prized heeled shoes in their box, until I can safely wear them again. That is if I already lost weight! So there won’t be much pressure on the heels, doc said. Sigh. When would it happen? Sigh. The boxes will accumulate dust. Sigh. The shoes will be out of style. Sigh. I hope there are fashionable low-heeled shoes out there that fit me. Sigh.

Well, at least my blog looks chic!

After a Day's Work...

Just finished what I have scheduled to do for today. Whew! Tiring day, but fulfilling. And as I was preparing to leave, a poster caught my attention and ministered to me as it did 5 years ago. Hope this ministers to you as well:

A Yuppie's Prayer

Dear Lord, day in and day out,

I'm in the daily grind,

Meetings here, desk work there,

Always on the go, You'd find,

I know somehow You've put me here,

In my work, to make a diff'rence,

Help me stop and take stock,

Let me have the perspective that makes sense.

I lay my work and lifestyle at Your feet,

With heart willing in submission

To Your will and dream for my life,

For which You have the best plan and vision.

May what I earn not be for naught,

Never should I use these for selfish gain,

Rather, those in need, lend a helping hand,

With hope my faith will never wane.

May those I love in my life,

Never be neglected by me.

All my relationships good and strong,

As blest as they can be.

And as I go along this life's journey,

Searching for my place,

Guide me along, protect my way,

'Til I thank You face to face.

The Misfortunes of a Knock-Kneed

Yup, I am! Though, moderately so, I dread walking on an uneven surface for I am prone to injuries.

Just recently, I sprained my left ankle as I was walking towards KFC. It hurt so bad, I fell on my knees and couldn't get up. Fortunately, a friend came to help me. Otherwise, people would've wondered why I am kneeling on the side of the road, in front of KFC, as if begging for food!

Several years back, a similar incident happened to me. We were walking towards the parking lot after a tiring day at a resort. I was carrying my tired and sleeping cousin in my arms when I stepped on a hole and twisted my ankle. We both fell on the ground. She cried, of course, not because she was hurt but her sleep was disturbed. She only stopped crying when another cousin picked her up. The damage it caused me: a dislocated joint (which was corrected already).

Those are the major "sprain events" I can remember. On any ordinary day, while rushing to get a ride: jeep, bus or FX, if I'm not careful, I'd surely sprain my ankle. Even if I'm not rushing, just walking, I'd certainly be injured if I don't exercise precaution.

Through the years, I have learned to watch my steps. I'm always looking down when I walk, not because of inferiority complex but of fear of injuries. However, I quickly forget and only reminded when I am already hurt.

And even the stairs are dreadful for me. When climbing up or going down, I prefer to do so on the side of the railing or wall than at the center, for fear of falling. Thoughts of me falling down the stairs always pop up in my mind and bring funny memories not too long ago.

One cleaning day, back in high school, I was scrubbing the stairs with some of my classmates. We were fooling around while cleaning and I told them I can spin the husk while I'm on top of it. Which I did successfully! But when it stopped, I lost my balance and fell on 7 flight of stairs, head first!

Now, that has nothing to do with being knock-kneed. But this one incident is.

I was on a field work, with my partner in Ortigas Center. To better represent the company we work for, we were dressed to impress. As in 3-piece suit, closed shoes and fully made up.

We were on our way to the admin office to secure permit and the elevator was taking forever to come so we decided to take the stairs, since it's only 1 floor down.

As I started my descent, I had a misstep and lost my balance. I tried to reach for the railing but it was too late: I was already falling! All I could do was cover my face as I fell 12 flight of stairs, again, head first. And as if that wasn't enough, my head hit the wall!

The impact of the fall was heard downstairs as well as on the 2nd floor. A man rushed down to help me, as well as my partner, with one of my shoes in her hand, trying hard not to laugh.

I laid there motionless for about 10 seconds but quickly got up when I remembered I was wearing a skirt. I forced myself to stand and walk the remaining steps towards the admin office to call my supervisors. When they heard what happened to me, they laughed hysterically and I laughed with them too not because I found it funny at that time but I didn't want to cry.

Though funny, I never want to experience it again. Now, I am extra careful everywhere I go, yet accidents happen. I finally resolved to myself that if it's bound to happen, IT WILL HAPPEN. Sigh.

Miss Congeniality 2

"Wanna watch a movie? Showing na ang Miss Congeniality 2 sa Gateway Mall. Nuod tayo!" I hit 'send to group' and off the message went to my friends' cellphone. A few minutes later, replies came: Sorry, next time na lang. I have prior commitments. On my way to Batangas or elsewhere, etc. I tried other friends, to no avail.

"Sige na, please! Kahit Pacifier, Robots, Hitch uli or Passion of Christ, basta big screen. Gusto mo, libre pa kita, samahan mo lang ako." I pleaded with a close friend but apparently, she can't be bribed.

And so I'm left with me, myself and I. A bit disappointed with the 100% turndowns, I consoled myself with Bejeweled 2.

"Hay! Uwi na lang nga ako at manuod ng Fullhouse!" I thought to myself. And with a heavy heart, I started clearing my messy work area.

I was already warming to the idea of watching Justin and Jessie's love unfolding while eating popcorn at home, when my officemate asked me to watch Miss Congeniality with her at Robinsons Galleria. It came out of the blue, but hey! Why pass it up?

I was instantly energized! Not only because I like Sandra Bullock and the movie, but it was also a much needed, well-deserved break for me. And after being rejected several times in just one day, who wouldn't be excited at the sudden turn of events?

An hour later, sitting on the cushioned seat of Cinema 3, downing a can of Royal Tru Orange, I was laughing at Gracie Hart's snort. How unwomanly, yet funny!

Fast forward a bit and you see a brokenhearted Gracie, alone in her apartment, watching the candle melt, drinking beer, and contemplating on why she got dumped by her boyfriend. A tear fell from my eye.

I immediately wiped it off and told myself 'Riz! Ano ka ba?! Comedy 'yang pinapanuod mo!' But I can't help it! Not that I got dumped by a man, but I relate to her having to contend with loneliness.

Sure I am almost always never alone. I spend 60% of my time with other people; at work, in a public utility vehicle, with family and friends, etc. The other 40% is reserved for devotions and sleep.

Even my well-meaning friends would say: There is God! You are never alone for He has promised never would He leave nor forsake you. He is everywhere anyhow, so why feel lonely?

I do not contest what they say for I believe in it myself. The love of God brings me comfort ALL THE TIME. His presence means the world to me. And He's the only one who accompanies me in my sometimes self-imposed solitary confinement.

Solitude is not at all bad. In fact, I look forward to it once in awhile. Most especially if I just want peace, quiet and time for myself, away from the hustle and bustle of the world. I don't have to go up a mountain to have it for I live on one already! Sometimes, all it takes is a locked room with a 'DO NOT DISTURB!' sign posted on the door.

But I'm not talking about those moments. As Gracie sat on the corner of her bed and settled for a box of chocolates, I wondered will my life be like hers?

Consumed with career, no time for relationships, going home to a defective microwave oven, watching a candle flame flicker, reflecting on my purpose in life and what I want to do, and wondering if other single people are doing the exact same thing. Pathetic, but likely.

This made me realize how poorly I pray for and work at my relationships. Yes, the bond is there, but what do you make of such situations?

Going out is the most logical thing to do, right? If only my friends are not so busy...Next time, I'll ask for an appointment.

'Okay! Forget the movie! Let's just talk. Starbucks? Mc Do? Anywhere, as long as we can talk.' And even with that proposal, I am oftentimes rejected as well. Sigh. Me, myself and I.

And so I've learned to cope with busyness: Make myself busy as well! Or I'll just cry my heart out of self-pity.

The big screen caught my attention again. A determined Gracie tells Sam why they need to find and rescue Cheryl and Stan: Friends are rare for me! I fought back a tear. Kainis naman!! This is supposedly a comedy!

As I reflect on that statement, I find it to be true in my life. I won't elaborate on it anymore as it cuts to the heart and I'm getting teary-eyed again. Sniff, sniff. Acquaintances are not necessarily friends, that much I know. Fortunately, I have JESUS.

I have called you friends for everything that I learned from my Father, I have made known to you. You did not choose me, I chose you... (John 15:15-16)

When thoughts of sulking in misery due to loneliness tempts me, I remember Gracie's smiling face. 'There's always me,' she said to Sam - who longs for friendships but have none because of her anger management problems. She echoes the words of my Best Friend, JESUS.

I may have all the time to me, myself and I but at least my life makes sense because of Him. And if all other friends fails me, I can always run to Him.

To JESUS, who takes me as I am, patiently listens to me, keeps me company in both good and bad times, corrects and rebukes me, or just simply be with me. What more can I ask for?

By the time the credits are rolled out, I felt better already. I left the cinema not only relieved from stress, but enlightened, comforted and grateful for my relationship with JESUS as well.

And as I waited for a bus to Cubao, a familiar face greeted me. After greeting her back and telling her where I've been, it didn't take her very long to tell me who else were watching Miss Congeniality at Robinsons Galleria. It turned out some of the VCF-QC singles also wanted a sneak preview. Pagkatapos kong mag-drama! GRRRRR!!!

Purplish

My world is a myriad of colors. Of red roses, apples, blood. Of blue sky, ocean, blue birds. Of brown earth, soil, trunk of trees. Of green leaves, grass, “GO” signal of the traffic light. Of yellow sun, corn, mangoes, pad paper. Of orange fruit & juice, Archie’s hair. Of pink flowers and fences all over the Metro, and so on and so forth. My eyes see and appreciate them all but only one stands out: PURPLE!

I can’t remember when it all started. All I know is I’m fixated with anything purplish. House, cars, food, fruits, juice, pens, notebooks, books, hair clips, dress, undergarments (yes!!), anything! However, my stuff is not all purple. I’m not overtly obsessed with it. Nevertheless, an appreciative “ooh” and “ah” accompanies my wide-eyed amazement when I behold this majestic beauty.

Touted as the most famous and most expensive dye of ancient times, the Tyrian purple was obtained from a small sac in the body of a snail-like marine mollusk – Murex Brandaris. To produce 1 lb. of this dyestuff, 3.8 million dye sacs of this mollusk are needed. No wonder only the royalty and very wealthy can afford this luxury. Poor mollusks, though.

In modern times, its connotation with royalty got stuck. Garments worn of this color signify regal rank, power or authority, as in a purple robe. Maybe that is why I am fascinated with this color. I am royalty!

I am a daughter of God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords. How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! We are all princes and princesses, heirs and co-heirs with Christ by faith. Not only that:

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light (1Peter 2:9).

I belong to God and until I claim my rightful place in heaven with Him, I remain here in this colorful world called Earth. If I can have it my way, I would want my world purplish. Everything painted in various hues of purple. Oh, what a wonderful world it would be! And wouldn’t it be a sight to behold?

But God made the world as it is, with all the other beautiful colors, because not everyone is as purplish as I am. God likes diversity and so do I. I do like other colors but not as much as I adore purple. Now, if only the fences all over Metro Manila’s roads were purple, purplish commuters, like me, will be much happier!

Emerald Buddha, Thailand with Abby